Query submitted via Free Tarot Readings.

“Why am I living when I don’t want and how long? Does pain mean I’m paying for sins I’ve been wanting to die for so many years  and I actually tried to do it myself but failed the last time I ended up in the hospital and realized I only hurt others so no!”

~puts cards aside~

Some of your questions can be comforted in faith, but will never answered with 100% surety. They will certainly not be answered in a cartomancy reading.

What I know for sure: Pain does not mean you are paying for sins. Pain means you’re alive. It is a stronger level of discomfort than constipation or hunger. And it sucks when it can’t be relieved.

I, personally, understand what it feels like to no longer be a part of… this. I deal with things that has left physical and mental scars. It hurts. I wish it didn’t. I go on in spite of it, and sometimes, because of it. But that’s me. I don’t know you personally, and you most likely don’t know me personally, so from your point of view, I’m throwing Ye Standard Sympathetic Words at the screen.

I’m hoping some of it sticks.

Don’t wait for someone or something to give you a reason. You have several already, or you would not be reaching out to a complete stranger. I can’t tell you what those reasons are. And to pull cards to try would be an ethical violation.

Instead, lemme tell you some of my reasons for bludgeoning my way through this shit:

• My child.
• My hobby projects I want to finish.
• The way a medium-rare steak grilled with onions and mushrooms melts in my mouth and tastes so good.
• Denying the people that hurt me the joy of watching me crumble.
• Being challenged by a superior wordsmith in a duel of words.
• Because I’m just that damn contrary to not let the bastards win.
• A damn good mug of tea on a cold day.
• Because I keep finding One More Thing to see, do, experience, and/or finish before I can allow myself to bring things to a final halt.

You know all the clichés. The catch-phrases, the hashtags, and the memes. I won’t insult you by throwing those here. I can only tell you that you are stronger than you know, and as long as you’re here, there’s something to do to stick around for. But you’ll have to find those yourself. It’s a lot of fun trying. Since you don’t know which is the perfect thing, you get to try everything! If you don’t like it, mark it off your list and try something else.

I do have to end this post with a cliché. Because I am not a trained counselor or medical professional. I’m just a busybody with a website. Here, copy this number down and keep it with you:

The Lifeline Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

If you are not in the United States of America, leave a comment to this post (no login required) with your country, and I’ll see what I can find for you.